Thursday, January 22, 2009


This is what I've been having daymares about lately. Ever since two weeks ago I moved a box in the garage and the biggest, shiniest, creepiest beasty ever skittled away from me, I keep imagining them charging me, curling in my shoe, climbing in my bedclothes, biting my baby.
Last friday, after a week of centipede-phobia, I was at a playgroup and sitting down with the kids at the snack/craft table. When I stood up, I felt as if something wet had dripped onto my leg, but when I looked down, there wasn't anything there. But then it was definitely feeling cool and wet, like maybe, somehow there was a banana string half-way up my thigh? I shook out my pant leg, and what fell out onto my slipper but AN ACTUAL BLACK SHINY CENTIPEDE! YES, the very creature I had been having daily nightmares about managed to crawl most of the way up my leg, inside my jeans. Oh, it makes me swoon. It ran across the floor and I screamed, and somebody smashed it to a crunchy many-legged pulp with my discarded slipper.
So, I've become something of an overreactive shrieker. I was hanging up laundry, and one clip was too squashy, and then writhed. I screamed and did the "GETTITOFFAME!!!" dance. Rosie was alarmed. It was one of these:
And then last night I opened the door to put out the compost and another friendly little gecko fell heavily-- splot-- onto my hand. I screamed. Sorry neighbors! Just a lizard falling on me, nothing to worry about.
And another thing... it's spider season. These huge, bulky garden spiders have taken up residence in the rafters of the garage, across the outside sink and over the washing machine. They're massive. They could take on the centipede. I'd be willing to watch that. Forget Alien vs. Predator. Give me Horrifying carnivorous evildoer centipede versus creepy lurking bloodsucking she-demon spider.


Marco Davis said...

Ack! I have creepy shivers just reading this!

Irene Tukuafu said...

the plant called "plantain" is a healer of bites. I tried calling you. I'll see if I can find a pic. of this world wide "weed"....that is most most helpful in healing. your write up is a crack up.